Looking Back

Wow!! It has been quite some time since I have read or posted here on my blog. I have experienced so much since then. I have continued to grow, I have continued to heal and the road hasn’t always been a pleasant one!

What I have learned is that each time we work on ourselves, experience healing and growth…another layer opens up. Each layer presents itself as we become ready to deal with it.  Sometimes, I tend to forget to utilize my tools and support and things quickly fall apart!!

Everytime this happens, I end up right where I began. I resort back to what works for me. I tell you this to say that we never stop learning, growing or healing. It’s a wonderful process when we process and use our tools and support.

I love that I can go back through YOU University again and gain new insights, discover things that I didn’t see last time and experience more growth and healing.

I also love that complete strangers are being drawn to me, they feel safe to share their stories and they genuinely seek help. The feeling is amazing because there is nothing that I love more than helping others!!

I remember all to well what it felt like to be suffering, to be in pain and to constantly be criticized and judged with no one to share with. I also know what it feels like to find the tools and support needed to heal and offering this to others is my passion.

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WHERE I AM NOW

Well it has been three month’s now, since I have graduated from YOU University.  I cannot tell you what an accomplishment this is for me and how much it has literally changed my life!!  I will tell you that I am as excited today about this program as I was when I first began over two years ago!

I am still benefiting from the program today, I still use the tools and I still light up when I talk about it. I am excited to report that I will soon be working as an emotion based YOU University Life Coach myself and I am thrilled about this. I am so excited at the thought of taking others through this amazing program and getting to be a part of their whole transformational journey. 

I am looking to train other people who want to become coaches as well. What sets this program apart for me was that I went through it first, every step of the way, every assignment, every phone call and I did the work. When I share about it or begin to teach others about it….I will be coming from having personally completed the program myself. I will not have trained to take someone through a program that I myself have not tried.

Am I bit nervous about coaching, sure!! I think everyone gets nervous starting a new venture. I have a great support system though and I gained it through YOU University.  So, I will continue to blog and share from the perspective of being a coach now, not a student. I hope you enjoy my journey and Thanks for reading and following.

I DID IT, I GRADUATED

Graduation day has come and gone now and I am preparing for many new and fantastic adventures, Thanks to YOU University!!

I am going to be working at LifeTime Unlimited Holistic Healing Ministry, as a Life Coach – of course. I will also be doing a weekly blog talk radio show and facilitating workshops as well!!

I find it hard to imagine that the total transformation and life changing experiences I have had through YOU University’s life coach training program has prepared me for doing all of these things now. I use to morbidly fear any type of public speaking and would literally become ill prior to doing it!! Now I am truly excited to be preparing for the workshops and radio show. It just really amazes me!!

I have been going through my blog posts and journal entries from when I first began to present and I love that I can visually see the changes as they occurred. I am so glad that I created this blog and that I journaled from start to present. It’s really been a miraculous experience for me, one filled with so much healing, sharing, growth & support all the way through.

I am eager to take my first client through YOU University and share in their journey with them from the standpoint of being their coach. My life has been flourishing in so many ways as I have experienced all of the changes within. New friends, new jobs, lots of opportunities and exciting experiences surround me now. Not to mention, healthy & improved relationships with my family and loved ones. While my family still has it’s crazy drama and chaos, I no longer am dragged in or putting myself in the middle of it!! I know how to say no and mean it and that feels good, no more feelings of guilt in saying “NO.”

That’s not to say that my life is all peaches & cream and I have no problems, I do. However, the way in which I handle my issues/problems is totally different these days. I cannot tell you how good it feels to no longer avoid and run from my problems but face them head on, now!! I no longer deal with bouts of depression and I am at peace and content on a daily basis with an attitude of gratitude.

I intend to continue to post on my blog and share about my journey, because life is a school and the journey is an ongoing process!! Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to follow and read my posts, I am very grateful to you. Until next time 🙂

THE TIME IS NEAR

I am in the final buildings of YOU University, the Life Coach training program. First and foremost, I have to give myself a very big pat on the back for following through and not quitting when things became tough! I have for several years had the desire to make some very big changes in my life and sought out various ways to do so. However, I would start out strong only to disappear at the first sign of the personal work. I love to learn, I love to help others, I love personal development and more but, I had real issues with looking into my life past and present!!  I would get to this point in a program, book, etc and suddenly become very busy and that would be the end of that.  So for me to have stuck with YOU University and not followed my past way’s of disappearing, this is a huge success in my book!!  

 

To say that I am excited, nervous and a bit scared is an understatement!  I am very excited at the prospect of taking clients through the very program that I have went through.  I know what it has and continues to do for me in my life and I know that if a person is ready to make changes and willing to do the work, they will experience something very  personal, very life changing on their journey through this program.  Of course I am nervous and a bit scared but, in a healthy dose not an overwhelming way that will prevent me from moving forward.

 

I have realized recently that these wonderful opportunities and some very awesome and authentic people have recently come into my life and presented me with some opportunities.  It really amazes me that as I become more aware of who I am and what I truly want things continue to unfold and appear!!  I have always heard that this was true but, now I know this is true!!!  

 

More to come….

“Heal & transform the So…

“Heal & transform the Soul first; then healing & transformation of every aspect of life will follow.”
~Master Zhi Gang Sha

YOU University a year later…..

Where do I even begin?  It has been far too long since my last post!  I am still in YOU University, yes….I said I am still in YOU University!!   The program is designed to take approximately 6 mths.  Now some may finish slightly earlier and some, no names mentioned may take longer.  But, that’s okay and I’ll tell you why.   I use to worry and get real upset when people who enrolled after me, finished before me!   What I have come to learn through my training and development is that I am right where I am meant to be.

Everyone’s journey is just that, their individual journey!  No two people will experience their journey the same.  Most important is understanding that it’s not a race, we are not competing to see who gets through the program first.  I am where I am meant to be and that is perfectly okay!

The fact that I am still in training through YOU University to become a life coach, is in itself very amazing to me.    You see before this life coach training program and the journaling community became a part of my life, I was a major runner!!  I would be all gung ho to get right into training after training, books, teleseminar’s, etc…   I really wanted to change my life for the better….or so I thought!   When I would get to the part of the program, book etc… in which it was time to do the hard stuff, to look at me and my emotional baggage……….I would run!!   Oh I came up with very extreme circumstances as to why I had to drop out, to convince myself I was right in doing so.  All bullshit!!  I didn’t want to face nor feel all of those stuffed raw emotions, I had remained numb way to long.

In any event, long story short I am still here over a year later and I did not run!!  In fact, I am more excited now about graduating and beginning my own Life Coach practice than I was back then.  I also know that with my life, the way it is & what goes on in it to this day, it has certainly posed a challenge for me in staying in YOU University.  I am the one who is seeking change, not my family!  They are comfortable living the way they do.  Which amounts to constant stress, chaos & drama!!! (not for me)  I can’t leave my daughter’s and grand children nor do I want to!! So, I have had to work real hard at setting & sticking to healthy boundaries for my self with my family.  I have had to stop taking on their problems as my own. I had to quit doing for everyone else, what they could & should be doing for themselves.  Most importantly, I had to make it crystal clear to my family just how important this journey through YOU University was/is to me and that I will not let anyone or anything interfere with this.

I have experienced healing on so many levels, learned so very much and grown wow, have I grown!  Not to mention, the friendships I have found through this program and in the journaling community.  My self-confidence today is far greater than a year ago!!  I can tell you that the person I am today, is not the person I was over a year ago.  I am more authentic, the real “ME” much more confident and I love & like myself for who I am, what I have and where I am at in my life!!  No more self-loathing, no more dwelling on the past or wishing for the future….I live in the present!!  I don’t wish for a different life constantly, I don’t live by default anymore either, I live by design!! How empowering is that?

Well I will end here and I will definitely get more detailed as to my experiences & changes in my next post, no I won’t wait months to post it! LOL

The weight of Compassion

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

    “The weight of Compassion.”

The following is the definition of compassion at Wikipedia:

Compassion (from Latin: “co-suffering”) is a virtue — one in which the emotional capacities of empathy and sympathy (for the suffering of others) are regarded as a part of love itself, and a cornerstone of greater social interconnection and humanism — foundational to the highest principles in philosophy, society, and personhood.

Compassion for others is something most of us have, some more than others. However, when does too much compassion become a serious problem? I like to think that my sense of compassion is perfectly balanced. I’d be lying if I said that were true because, such is not the case!

I come from a long line of dysfunction in the family setting. I have and am working hard to break the chain. However, within my journey I have discovered that I am suffering from the weight of my compassion for others!

What does this mean? It simply means that I have replaced my co-dependency issues with an unhealthy dose of way too much compassion! The weight of this compassion on me and my life is very, very heavy. Not only is it heavy but, it’s harmful as well.

You see, I took my sense of compassion for others and assumed it to mean that others problems were also my problems! I worried and fret over others situations, seeking a solution for them.

I allowed it to affect me on an emotional and sometimes physical level. I completely threw out any type of personal boundaries what so ever! In doing so, other people’s issues totally invaded my life. I was feeling their worry, their pain, and their sorrows, sometimes even more than the person themselves!

My compassion for others simply re-created itself into my former co-dependent relationships. I put myself on the back burner and concentrated on solely on how I would help them and/or how I could fix their problems.

Now some people appreciated my help and welcomed my ideas and other people came to expect my help and let me do all of the work for them! They were taking advantage of me, knowing that it wasn’t my place to be handling their personal problems. Those people enjoyed total freedom to do other things and enjoy themselves while I took care of their problems for them!

The weight of compassion can be devastating and it was for me! I was depressed, always moody, sleeping as much as possible, avoiding my family and friends, not handling my business matters or taking care of my, I was always getting sick, and I was absolutely STUCK!! By stuck I mean, that I made no progress towards my journey of healing from my past.

I couldn’t, maybe I should say wouldn’t accept responsibility for what I was doing to myself and my life. I was in denial about the fact that I had created my reality and all the mess that I was experiencing at the time. It got to a point in which I just wanted to shut down! I had no desire to do anything, talk to anyone, or take care of myself.

I lost so much weight, I never got dressed anymore, barely even showered and didn’t bother to do my hair or make-up at all. Then I would get mad if I had to go somewhere and do something, if I couldn’t get someone else to do it for me! I didn’t want to go out the way I looked and was to lazy to get ready then go.

Needless to say my compassion for others, the weight it brought down on me, was crushing the life right out of my body! Sounds a bit dramatic I know but, I can assure you that it absolutely felt that way to me. So much so that the way I was feeling inside showed up on the outside in my life, to every degree possible!

I was feeling hopeless that is, until someone helped me to see the err of my ways. I was an absolute train wreck at the time and for once I began to see light at the end of the tunnel!! This person whom I call my Wise Fairy Godmother, helped me to recognize the affects that my overly compassionate self had created. She showed me a way to bring my compassion into balance.

I felt an amazing shift within myself and it sparked my desire and my motivation to embark upon the journey I am currently on. What journey you ask? the Journey home to myself – the “Real Me”!! I am finally discovering how to achieve a healthy balance of compassion, how to set personal boundaries, how to heal from my past, discover my internal/learned beliefs and change the ones that are of no benefit to me. All the while, uncovering my authentic self, the “Me” that I have always been but, hid away deep inside to protect myself from my dysfunctional life.

Having lived such a dysfunctional life for so long, I had forgot who the real “Teri” was anymore or how to even find her!! That’s where my journey through YOU University comes into play. I have since experienced a tremendous amount of learning, growth, and healing. I continue to experience all of this and so much more to this day.

This whole story of what the weight of compassion has personally cost me, was an assignment. My Wise Fairy Godmother, also known as Maia Berens assigned it to me and I suspect the reason being; to help me continue doing what I am doing in YOU U but, more importantly! to help me from forgetting what,”The Weight of Compassion” was on me!!

“ATTACK OF THE EGO”

Thursday, June 9, 2011

I have been in a sort of a funk, for a bit of awhile lately.

I couldn’t quite put my finger on why I was feeling this way, until now!

Yeah, I am going through some financial hardships and I am looking for a new home and dreading the thought of having to move. However, I have been in this boat before and as bothersome as these problems are – this situation is different?

I was catching up on the Google Waves last night, reading and posting a couple of comments on some of them. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks!!

My old inner tapes have been playing away and while consciously I am excited and pursuing my goals through YOU U, on a subconscious level, I am doing the exact opposite!!

My old fears, coping mechanisms and thoughts have been wreaking havoc within me! I have been extremely tired, more into TV than usual, & mopey.

I honestly did not recognize it until last night! I was feeling like I was becoming distant, not closer to the group and it upset me greatly! I knew that when I would have any negative thoughts about my journey, I would acknowledge them and them replace them with positive ones.

What I didn’t know was that my actions, thoughts & feelings were all a result of my egos desperate attempt to reel me back in. I am up against a battle with my own ego, who for years has programmed me to not step out of my comfort zone, to believe that I am not good enough and will never be successful at anything.

It’s frightening to think that my conscious is battling my subconscious! It’s exciting for me to now realize that this is what’s been going on within me!! With my new found knowledge of this, I can better prepare to fight off my ego’s attempts to resist. I will be better equipped to catch on quicker when my ego creeps up.

I am 42yrs. old and I knew going in that this would be difficult at times considering, my years of negative programming. I just wasn’t prepared for how clever my ego would be in it’s attempts to stop me!

This has been huge for me and has refreshed my drive & enthusiasm for my journey drastically!!!!

I hereby, commit to:

  • attend all calls,
  • complete all assignments given to me by Maia,
  • to give my best to my journey and the responsibilities that come with it,
  • to utilize the tools we learned when needed,
  • to utilize my friends in deed when I am struggling
  • to overcome my old programming
  • to love myself enough to be successful & know I deserve it

I will end by saying that, I am truly grateful for this realization and for the increased strength, drive, & ambition that learning this has given me!! 🙂

MY ARRIVAL IS TAKING PLACE, I AM FINALLY HERE!!

Friday, May 20, 2011

I am experiencing an awareness, a rather large awareness!  I feel this new found self-confidence, this sense of “Knowing” and a feeling that I am arriving – if that makes sense?

I found yesterday, that in any conversations I had throughout the day; I felt very confident and secure with myself.  It’s really hard to explain exactly what the feeling is but, it’s good I know that much!

I am still working through the buildings in YOU University and my two classmates have both graduated already.  At first, I used to get upset with myself at how much further ahead they were than me.  I felt like I was slacking and it made me angry with myself.

I later realized that, all of us are on our own individual journeys and I am working at the exact pace that I am meant to for my journey!  It isn’t a race and we all pretty much started at different times anyhow, needless to say I got over it quickly.

I am excited to be at a point in my journey where the transformation is apparent to all who know me.  I’ve been asked what am I doing, told that I am glowing and even that I look much younger and happy!  Loving it!! lol

It’s been just six months since I started in YOU University.  The program is designed to take approximately six months.  Some people will take longer to complete it and some will take less time, either way that is okay.

I just really am proud of myself for sticking with it and not running when I started facing the emotional work!  After all, this is the first time I have ever not quit a program of this nature. By that I mean, a program designed to better myself and deal with unresolved issues.  I just wasn’t totally ready and the other programs I attempted to try were closer to what I was looking for but, not enough so to keep my attention.

It’s like, each time I found a new program; it was better than the previous one and more of what I wanted.  So, when I finally found YOU University I knew immediately that this was it!  This is the program for me, it has everything I was looking for and more!!

I am about halfway through the program and I will tell you; that with each completed building, my experiences continue to unfold and I love this program!!

LOVE LETTERS

Sunday, May 15, 2011

  Before I learned about the “Love Letters” technique, I was notorious for writing letters when I was upset with someone in my family! Of course, I had no format to follow and most of the letters were given to the people. There were some letters, that I didn’t give to the person.I learned this letter writing trick from my parents, mainly my dad. You knew something was up when you got a letter from dad! My dad would give us the silent treatment when he was mad at us and then usually follow it up with a letter. His letters most times, left you feeling pretty crappy!

I can admit that even back then, I always felt better writing a letter and getting the issue off my chest. Even if I didn’t give it to the person, I still felt better just writing it. I rationalized it like this, by writing a letter I could make sure to say everything that I wanted to. I would normally forget things if I just tried talking with the person and then left the conversation feeling more upset, that I didn’t say all that I wanted too. I also felt that by writing the person a letter they could take the time to read it and process what I had said to them and then we could perhaps talk things over.

I definitely had the right idea, I was just lacking the correct format to use for positive results!! I really love the “Love Letter” technique!

I am thinking about perhaps, first using the “Love Letter” technique prior to talking with the person I am upset with. If I do that first, I feel that I will have gotten a start on feeling better and will be in a better position to discuss the problem without getting real upset and/or heated. I don’t mean that I will give the letter to them but, just write it and get it out & off my chest first before approaching them.

I am definitely to the point in my journey, that I am ready to take the necessary steps needed for myself. I am no longer trying to come up with all of these reasons not to just say what I want to, so that the person isn’t offended, hurt, or angered.

I have put myself on the back burner for far too long now and that’s stopping effectively immediately!! I am growing so much with each day in YOU U, with every call I am on, and importantly with each new tool I learn and use!! Combine all of that with the journaling and all of the support and connection between all of us and WOW!! LOVING IT !!!!!!!!