Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I officially began my journey through You University on November 23rd, 2010.The way it works is, you work in different buildings and as you complete all the assignments in one building you move to the next and so on. While there is no time limit for completing these buildings, Maia does provide us with a suggested guideline we can follow.

As of right now, I am in Building # 2 and ideally should have completed it by the second week in January. I have experienced massive resistance with this building and it was very difficult to get started. I pushed through the resistance and finally got started on the assignments, which are broke down according to age groups in this building.

I was making good progress through the assignments that is, until I came to the 15yrs. through 21yrs. age group. Right before I started it, I had a huge blow out with my daughter’s over what they bought at the grocery store? As I began the writing assignment, I started to become very restless and agitated. Upon completing it, my emotions were all over the place and all I wanted to do was cry! However, I held back the tears not wanting to explain why I was upset to anyone.

When I got up the next morning, I was extremely sick and though I tried to lay back down and get some more rest it did not help. I felt even worse then before, I had chills, body aches & pains the whole nine. In other words, I had the flu! It was crazy how sudden and out of nowhere it came on. Thank goodness for comfy pj’s and nyquil!!

I had to ask, if by holding back my emotions, was that what caused me to become sick? I asked and did some research, the results were surprising to me! People can actually make themselves sick by stuffing their feelings and not processing their emotions. I was told it can actually lower your immune system. Was that what happened in my case? I cannot say for sure. Based on my memories from that time in my life and the affect they had/have on me, chances are really very good that by holding back and not just having a good cry I did make myself sick!!

I really have to say, that this program is pretty damn powerful! The emotional work is not easy at all, I will just put that out there. However, the healing I am experiencing from my toxic past is definitely worth being uncomfortable!!

As for the toxic memories of my past they took me back in time! I could feel the teenager in me, that was deeply & repeatedly hurt by the people she loved the most, her parents. I just wanted to hug her, tell her that I loved her and that it would all be okay. It angered me, to realize how much this affected me, my life and how much so!

Until I completed that assignment and put it all out there, it just festered inside me! Seeping out in the form of toxic relationships, low self-esteem and my fear of becoming successful. It’s hard for me to really explain, how it felt to tell my story. For me to put my secrets out there and be able to rid myself of all that garbage I held inside, for all those years…. was huge!! I felt this sense of relief, as if a ton of weight had been lifted off my shoulders! What’s more I am okay with it now, in the sense that it’s no longer my shameful secret, I told my story, it happened, it hurt me deeply and on so many levels but, I am a strong and I’m a survivor. It was as if, I had taken back my power!


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