June 2011


Thursday, June 9, 2011

I have been in a sort of a funk, for a bit of awhile lately.

I couldn’t quite put my finger on why I was feeling this way, until now!

Yeah, I am going through some financial hardships and I am looking for a new home and dreading the thought of having to move. However, I have been in this boat before and as bothersome as these problems are – this situation is different?

I was catching up on the Google Waves last night, reading and posting a couple of comments on some of them. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks!!

My old inner tapes have been playing away and while consciously I am excited and pursuing my goals through YOU U, on a subconscious level, I am doing the exact opposite!!

My old fears, coping mechanisms and thoughts have been wreaking havoc within me! I have been extremely tired, more into TV than usual, & mopey.

I honestly did not recognize it until last night! I was feeling like I was becoming distant, not closer to the group and it upset me greatly! I knew that when I would have any negative thoughts about my journey, I would acknowledge them and them replace them with positive ones.

What I didn’t know was that my actions, thoughts & feelings were all a result of my egos desperate attempt to reel me back in. I am up against a battle with my own ego, who for years has programmed me to not step out of my comfort zone, to believe that I am not good enough and will never be successful at anything.

It’s frightening to think that my conscious is battling my subconscious! It’s exciting for me to now realize that this is what’s been going on within me!! With my new found knowledge of this, I can better prepare to fight off my ego’s attempts to resist. I will be better equipped to catch on quicker when my ego creeps up.

I am 42yrs. old and I knew going in that this would be difficult at times considering, my years of negative programming. I just wasn’t prepared for how clever my ego would be in it’s attempts to stop me!

This has been huge for me and has refreshed my drive & enthusiasm for my journey drastically!!!!

I hereby, commit to:

  • attend all calls,
  • complete all assignments given to me by Maia,
  • to give my best to my journey and the responsibilities that come with it,
  • to utilize the tools we learned when needed,
  • to utilize my friends in deed when I am struggling
  • to overcome my old programming
  • to love myself enough to be successful & know I deserve it

I will end by saying that, I am truly grateful for this realization and for the increased strength, drive, & ambition that learning this has given me!! 🙂